Listening to this wonderful band called Motion City Soundtrack! They are making my night feel just a little bit lighter. A night that is otherwise looking pretty dark for me at the mo´. -- Our electricity died, part of it, the lamps in my room is shining very weirdly in this dim sort of light. And the microwave that I was using to warm up some of yesterdays dinner died on me as well. Ah well, at least that gave me an excuse to pull out my dusty guitar and play and sing a few relaxing songs... Well not relaxing exactly, but they sure do make me relax in heart end mind. My mind is filled to bursting point just now, over filled with everything from work to pain-in-the-ass schoolwork to how on earth to finnish this horrible essey in history that will do nothing but lower my grade to a freakin´ fail!

Thankfull for good friends who can support you and make you fight ten steps longer than I would have done, had I been alone.
Also thinking that I will appreciate this summer so much more than any other summer. I will appreciate every boring second on a day when I am lost for things to do. Appreciate every moment of doing nothing, knowing that I can keep doing nothing without a bad conscience. Appreciate the knowledge that I have nowhere to be or nothing I have to or should do, no one to see, no one to please but myself!
I will appreciate every moment I can sit in peace and quiet and read a book or sit in the sun and listen to music or play on my guitar without knowing I sould be doing something else!
Just live in the moment, for the moment!

We all face the same kind of problem at some point. Many problems are similar to those you or others have had. We can help eachother out, give eachother words of comfort and encouragement. We can point eachother in the right direction and tell ourselves that   there will be light   at the end of the tunnel we´re walking. Somehow, though, however close you´re standing to those who love and support you, in how tight a knot you can curl yourself into, sheilding those who are, at the same time, sheilding you from all bad and the dark, somehow you have to, all on your own keep your head up above the surface and keep breathing.
Even if you know that others feel exactly what you are feeling, you can´t help but feel the most sorriest for yourself. You realise that you might not be alone in the situation, but despite that you feel lonely and you feel as though you have it worst.
At the same time you understand that is not true, of course, but nevertheless, it´s all hard.
And it should be. I know way too many people who have just decided to give up, not to fight. And I realise I wouldn´t want it any other way for myself, I don´t know what I would do with myself if I didn´t have something to fight for, or fight with for that matter. 

But what do you do when you´ve been pushed off the edge of the cliff, fallen down in the ice cold water, miles below even ground? When you´ve fallen flat on you stomach, a fall that knocked all the breath right ot of you and you´re sinking fast and stedily? When you´re right at the point where you trying to catch your breath again but only get wather down you airpipes? Keep swimming!
Then you feel your shoe get stuck in something at the bottom and it´s dragging you down further, what do you do? Lose the bloody shoe! Kick it off and swim up again so that you can breath. Don´t go looking for it, don´t try to put it on again, be contempt and know that you released it for a reason! It´s not woth keeping your shoe on if you can no longer walk in it. 

"It´s like asking someone to run a race while holding their breath" as my friend so rightly put it today. 
We will all keep running, even if we would rather turn around and run in the opposite direction. We shall reach our goal, smiling like the bright and shiny people we truly are! Our fire has not been put out and nor will my hopes for the future! 
My advice to you all this evening, is the following; Choose your battles and play to your own strengths. Do your best and be proud for doing so, no matter the outcome.

Have a pleasant evening!

           

"When one door closes, another opens,
 but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door
 that we do not see the one that has opened for us."
 Alexander Graham Bell

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
 but wish we didn't."
Erica Jong

It takes about 72 muscles in your face and body to look angry or pissed.
It only takes 14 muscles to look happy.
So why don´t we all try and be happy and save our energy!

Well I would be happy if I wasn´t killing myself trying to keep up with all the work... though, honestly I have been kinda´ lightheaded this week.
Instead of crying like I want to we have just been sitting at school, laughing our heads off as some sort of counter-reaction to the misery haha...
I don´t really think we´re right in the head anymore hehe...

Love love love to you all! 

When you can feel your eyes glue together everytime you blink, you kinda´ know it´s time to go to bed.

When you compulsively drink eight, very large cups of tea in one day, you know you´re stressed.

When you can´t sleep at night, when you´re just lying there until you can hear the birds starting to twitter outside your window, and then the mailman coming and leaving, you know you´ve got to stop stressing.

When you wake up at 5.00 in the morning, confusedly wodering where your laptop is thinking you have to keep writing on your aparteid essey, searching in the dark for it on the floor before realising what the time is and that you can sleep for two more hours... then you know you´d be better of on a plane somewhere then stuck here, killing yourself in schoolwork.

The summer seems so so far away...