ingénueish
I was thinking about that, and a bunch of other things
Listening to this wonderful band called Motion City Soundtrack! They are making my night feel just a little bit lighter. A night that is otherwise looking pretty dark for me at the mo´. -- Our electricity died, part of it, the lamps in my room is shining very weirdly in this dim sort of light. And the microwave that I was using to warm up some of yesterdays dinner died on me as well. Ah well, at least that gave me an excuse to pull out my dusty guitar and play and sing a few relaxing songs... Well not relaxing exactly, but they sure do make me relax in heart end mind. My mind is filled to bursting point just now, over filled with everything from work to pain-in-the-ass schoolwork to how on earth to finnish this horrible essey in history that will do nothing but lower my grade to a freakin´ fail!
Thankfull for good friends who can support you and make you fight ten steps longer than I would have done, had I been alone.
Also thinking that I will appreciate this summer so much more than any other summer. I will appreciate every boring second on a day when I am lost for things to do. Appreciate every moment of doing nothing, knowing that I can keep doing nothing without a bad conscience. Appreciate the knowledge that I have nowhere to be or nothing I have to or should do, no one to see, no one to please but myself!
I will appreciate every moment I can sit in peace and quiet and read a book or sit in the sun and listen to music or play on my guitar without knowing I sould be doing something else!
Just live in the moment, for the moment!
I am still painting flowers for you. A new destination of your own creation. Remember when you were a boat and I was your sea together we´d float so delicately. I´m trying to find my place but it might not be here where I feel safe. I disconnect.
I got soul, but I´m not a soldier
We all face the same kind of problem at some point. Many problems are similar to those you or others have had. We can help eachother out, give eachother words of comfort and encouragement. We can point eachother in the right direction and tell ourselves that there will be light at the end of the tunnel we´re walking. Somehow, though, however close you´re standing to those who love and support you, in how tight a knot you can curl yourself into, sheilding those who are, at the same time, sheilding you from all bad and the dark, somehow you have to, all on your own keep your head up above the surface and keep breathing.
Even if you know that others feel exactly what you are feeling, you can´t help but feel the most sorriest for yourself. You realise that you might not be alone in the situation, but despite that you feel lonely and you feel as though you have it worst.
At the same time you understand that is not true, of course, but nevertheless, it´s all hard.
And it should be. I know way too many people who have just decided to give up, not to fight. And I realise I wouldn´t want it any other way for myself, I don´t know what I would do with myself if I didn´t have something to fight for, or fight with for that matter.
But what do you do when you´ve been pushed off the edge of the cliff, fallen down in the ice cold water, miles below even ground? When you´ve fallen flat on you stomach, a fall that knocked all the breath right ot of you and you´re sinking fast and stedily? When you´re right at the point where you trying to catch your breath again but only get wather down you airpipes? Keep swimming!
Then you feel your shoe get stuck in something at the bottom and it´s dragging you down further, what do you do? Lose the bloody shoe! Kick it off and swim up again so that you can breath. Don´t go looking for it, don´t try to put it on again, be contempt and know that you released it for a reason! It´s not woth keeping your shoe on if you can no longer walk in it.
"It´s like asking someone to run a race while holding their breath" as my friend so rightly put it today.
We will all keep running, even if we would rather turn around and run in the opposite direction. We shall reach our goal, smiling like the bright and shiny people we truly are! Our fire has not been put out and nor will my hopes for the future!
My advice to you all this evening, is the following; Choose your battles and play to your own strengths. Do your best and be proud for doing so, no matter the outcome.
Have a pleasant evening!
Blue treetops and velvet skies, blue ready to blow your mind
And you Sir, you rule the kingdom,
You call the shots you can do what you want to,
Oh just imagine the freedom
This summer, I´ve decided, will be my kingdom!
Except for working (where I get paid, so it´s totally worth it) there will be no "must do:s" or "hurry there:s" or "you can´t do:s" or "you have to:s". Just me doing whatever I want! Oh just imagine the freedom! Haha it´s gonna be a good summer!
Tried to take a pricture of love
"When one door closes, another opens,
but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door
that we do not see the one that has opened for us."
Alexander Graham Bell
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't."
Erica Jong
Up until now I had sworn to myself that I´m contempt with loneliness
But I´ve got my music and my wonderful essey to keep me company haha! Wish my efficiency would be on top all day instead of kicking in at 11 pm when everyone´s asleep, så typical me huh...
But now I´m going to bed, so tired, and I have no songlesson tomorrow that´s a bummer but ah well...
My plugs and gearwheels are shutting down now, hope I manage to get to bed befor the main power is turned of automatically, forcing me to fall asleep for my own good haha! Night world!
Yeah it makes me smile, I go ahead and smile
Mihaela is comming over later to talk and study (?) haha
moahahaha prettyyy old pic!
All we know is falling apart
If the world froze over and everybody died and you and I were the only ones alive, I´d say I´m sorry you made it it´s more then you deserve, don´t try and make it better you´ll only make it worse
It takes about 72 muscles in your face and body to look angry or pissed.
It only takes 14 muscles to look happy.
So why don´t we all try and be happy and save our energy!
Well I would be happy if I wasn´t killing myself trying to keep up with all the work... though, honestly I have been kinda´ lightheaded this week.
Instead of crying like I want to we have just been sitting at school, laughing our heads off as some sort of counter-reaction to the misery haha...
I don´t really think we´re right in the head anymore hehe...
Love love love to you all! 
My life is becoming a boring pop-song and everyone´s singing along
When you can feel your eyes glue together everytime you blink, you kinda´ know it´s time to go to bed.
When you compulsively drink eight, very large cups of tea in one day, you know you´re stressed.
When you can´t sleep at night, when you´re just lying there until you can hear the birds starting to twitter outside your window, and then the mailman coming and leaving, you know you´ve got to stop stressing.
When you wake up at 5.00 in the morning, confusedly wodering where your laptop is thinking you have to keep writing on your aparteid essey, searching in the dark for it on the floor before realising what the time is and that you can sleep for two more hours... then you know you´d be better of on a plane somewhere then stuck here, killing yourself in schoolwork.
The summer seems so so far away... 
Breathe in, breathe out, well let´s do something different
And that got me thinking. How many of the choises I made this past week could I have chosen differently? And how would that have affected me. And what about all the choises I´ve made since last year? Would my life be any different if I had chosen to take another path than I did?
So how many, hypothetically, "worlds" must there be except for our own?
And in how many of them do we exist in?
How many of our choises could we possibly have done differently?
Sing us a song and we´ll sing it back to you, we could sing our own but what would it be without you?
"music resonates with everyone,
which is why we call it the "universal language".
and every day i thank God that i'm a part of that language.
that i have the ability to use that language to hopefully offer something"
Hayley Williams
Sometimes when I'm at a busy trainstation, somewhere big with noisy trains like Kings Cross, I feel like putting down my bags and shouting out because I have something to say
Thinking is one of the most stressful things I´ve ever come across
And not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy
I think I should read some more books, learn some new words,
My sister used to read the dictionary I´m gonna start with that...
Kate Nash, the song Don´t You Want To Share The Guilt
from the 2010 album My Best Friend Is You
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom "let it be"
I dreamt that there was a volcano right where I lived and we knew it was gonna burst any moment and there was nothing we could do to prevent it from doing so. And we had no chance, what so ever, of survival! No one was doing anything about it, everyone were calmly accepting that their time had come, everyone but me who was freakin´out, trying desperately to convince my dad (who was sitting on the sofa watching television..) that we should take the car and get out of town...
I woke up, out of breath, heart banging against my ribs, and thinking that I will never ever move to a country where there is a risk of volcanic eruptions.
Then at breakfast I was reading the paper, reading about a tornado in Mississippi. And then I thought about the earthquakes that has been lately and tsunamis... I´m freaking out guys! There is no safe place!
And just think when that new ice age everyone is conspiring about comes. Sweden will for sure be the very first victim then...
Not to be a killjoy or anything haha! Nah, I´m just pulling your leg, I´m not really concerned about myself, but I´d sure like to do something, help somwhere... sometime...
This is the bottom of the bottle saying swim or sink
Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea, together we´d float so delicately
I have developed some quite attractive shadows circling my eyes.
Those shadows are beautifully matched by.. aging lines? Really? Yes I think they can be hinted there somewhere... and hold up! Do mine eyes decive me or do I see a gray hair there? Yes I believe I do... tut tut, I hope it´s not too late to get back my youth when the summer starts, what do you reckon?
The brick wall is building up to be absolutely impossible to mount...
A new destination of your own creation is waiting til´ you choose to go there
Imagine a place you can always escape to
An island off the coast of nowhere
A new destination of your own creation
Just waiting til´ you choose to go there
Blue treetops and velvet skies
Blue ready to blow your mind
This is a place where your mind can escape
All the problems today and go far far away
This is a time with no history
Welcome to Mystery
Imagine a city where everythings pretty
And you Sir, you rule the kingdom
You call the shots you can do what you want to
Oh, just imagine the freedom
Blue treetops and velvet skies
Blue ready to blow your mind
This is a place where your mind can escape
All the problems today and go far far away
This is a time with no history
Welcome to mystery
Blue treetops and velvet skies
Blue ready to blow your mind
Imagine a room where the flowers they bloom
Through the cracks and the floor and the ceiling
Just you and the missus and roses scented kisses
My, what a wonderful feeling
This is a place where your mind can escape
All the problems today
And go far far away
This is a time with no history
Feel no misery
Come and visit me
Welcome to mystery
Have you found your place where you can escape?
I am still painting flowers for you
I´m drinking tea with roses in it. Actuall, small, yellow roses. And it tastes wonderful.
At the same time a new song is playing in my ears. It´s making my heart bubbel.
For a while I manage to forget about the desicion I must make soon. Many have given their oppinions and views on the matter. My mind stays undecided.
I have also been told that my dreams are not real.
So you can imagine how glad I am that I have my wonderful tea with yellow roses and this new song that is making my heart feel light.
Oh, and it does feel good to be 18, though I cant´ feel much difference. It´s the knowing that I can that feels good.
Here you have it!
All Time Low - Painting Flowers
One of the soundtracks to Tim Burtons ´Alice in Wonderland´, a film I would recomend all of you to go see! Beautiful film!
The album is called ´Almost Alice´ and it contains quite a few good bands and songs. We have, besides All Time Low, Plain White T´s, All American Rejects and Metro Station. And also there is Avril Lavinge who I used to listen to alot when I was younger.
I love the cover too, Johny Depp is super in every way!
Too much is never enough
Everything packed and ready, my room looks very neat indeed, I´ve taken a calming shower and I´m going to bed. Soon.
I´m leaving early tomorrow morning and I will return as an adult. Well, a leagal adult anyway. I have to admit it´s a wee bit frightening. With all the excitement and joy at becoming 18, with all the boundaries that are withdrawn and all the new previlegies, it´s easy to overlook the fact that along with all the fun comes a new kind of responsibility. I can no longer be counted as a child, but I can´t say that I feel very adultish either.
But right now I just want to see the fun side of becoming 18! I will not, as you might know, be home to celebrate by birthday, for the first time of my life, I will be in Denmark with choir B! It should hopefully be a lot of fun, but I´m a bit nervous too, since I´m going to be staying in another familys house, and I have no idea what they will be like, or if I will get to stay together with a friend or if I´ll be alone with the family.
And as expected, my travel fever (can you say that?) has kicked in, so my stomach isn´t feeling it´s best at the moment.
The past weeks has been very eventful.
Our two production weeks ended with a successful show, and shortly after that I left for a wonderful week in Spain.
Last Monday I participated in my first ever demonstration.
Wednesday was incredible! Me and Fanny went and saw 30 Seconds to Mars, the show was amazing, it exceeded all my expectations! If I can manage it, I might try to upload some of the videos I shot... 
Wow wow wow!
Now however it is time for me to get some sleep. I have to leave home at 7.00 am. Way to early, but I´ve got an 11 hour bus trip to sleep on.
Well, I will be home on Friday. Next time I write here, I will do it a year and an experience older. (Jee that sounds so tacky haha).
Love to you all!
